Today I’ve decided to write a very personal post. I realize this may be a bit inappropriate for a blog about my design projects and the way I work, however, I would feel uncomfortably strange to not mention the great loss I have recently suffered.
On August 13th I made the decision to put Lola, my dog, down. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Lola was my first… I had dogs growing up, but this was different.
I adopted her, at 4 months old, from the San Francisco SPCA. I was 27, single, and self employed. I had just purchased my house, an empowering and overwhelming experience, and was converting my garage into a studio. The following 14 years were full of ups and downs, big changes, many adventures, and lots and lots of learning, Lola was there every step of the way. In a sense I feel Lola and I grew up together. She was my constant,
my first true love, the child I will never have, the best companion one could wish for.
As part of my healing process I’ve started building a little shrine to her. It hangs on the wall in my studio, next to where I work every day. I haven’t had much time yet to work on it… I’m still trying to catch up on my projects, but I look forward to continuing working on it. For now, I’ve temporarily placed an old photo of the two of us inside, along with a silver dish of liver treats and a little glassine envelope containing some of her fur
(odd maybe, but I wanted to keep some of her beautiful fur). I’ve attached little Mexican dog milagros, dangling from the bottom edge, and crowned the shrine with one of her beloved tennis balls…. mud and all! The dried flowers and pine cones were collected on my first hike without her…. it felt good to bring something back from our favorite trail in the Berkeley hills.
My home and studio feel so different, and even a little foreign, without her comforting presence. Losing her has been very painful, but it has also reminded me of the consoling and healing qualities that come from creating artwork that is from the heart.
Today would have been her 14th birthday. I plan to take a walk in the hills with my boyfriend, Marc. I’m sure we will find something beautiful to add to her shrine.
Traci says
I’m so sorry to hear about Lola. I understand exactly how precious the first dog in your adult life is. Ours passed away unexpectedly this January and we’re still not over him. We also saved fur, and have a memorial on our mantle. They are the most amazing, loving, treasured companions – you can’t just close the door on those beautiful memories. I wish you comfort as your heart heals.
cynthia says
Traci, thank you so much for your kindness and compassion. You know exactly what I’m going through…. I really appreciate your comment.
Laurie in Georgia says
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss…I hope your shrine has brought you some comfort in the months since her passing. Anytime I’m really missing one of my dogs that have moved on from this world, I burn a special candle and carry it around the house with me for the day, sort of as a reminder/tribute/memorial. Dogs are wonderful and so are the people who adopt them…I wish you the best, Laurie in GA
cynthia says
Dear Laurie, Please forgive the delay in my response. Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate message. My heart is healing slowly but surely. I miss her so much but I’m so grateful to have had her in my life as long as I did. Sending you my best wishes, Cynthia